I walked bare footed on to the sandy beach, feeling the warmth of the sand on my toes. I shaded my eyes as I looked up at the azure sky, enjoying the magnificent view. The Sun shone its warm rays upon me as I chose a spot under a tree, in the cool shade. I had originally planned to read my book, but it was just so quiet and serene that I soon drifted off to sleep…
My sleep was broken by screams of children playing around in the water, their parents watching over them from the shore. I looked around, wondering how long I slept. There were tons of families around me now, while little kids raced about, playing their games. I gave up on trying to read, moving towards the jutting patch of sand, the clear blue water lapping away at the sand. I admired the beautiful scene and, dipping my toes into the clear water, enjoyed the cool sensation of the water. I scanned the beach, briefly watching the children at play. It had always amazed me how creative children were, and how fast they made friends. It was time to go. I looked around the beach, trying to imprint the mental pictures into my memory. I turned back, packed my things, and left.
I would give you a C as I think you need a more vivid description of the setting. You should use more writing techniques such as alliteration to make the setting more interesting. I can imagine the scene but it needs more description.
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